Can I stay? – week 55

The wait is finally over, next Thursday it will be decided if I continue with my PhD. I am well aware that most people pass this, and a lot of people around me tell me I will be fine. But, it still feels as if it is fifty-fifty as to whether or not I will pass.

This perception of the odds feeling like they are stacked higher against you than they actually are is probably much more common than I can imagine. I think it is an example of our poor ability to handle probabilities, and why lotteries are such good money spinners.

I shall try and adjust my attitude towards the fact that I know the odds are in my favour, but I apologise if my monkey brain takes over.

Furthermore, I have been hugely distracted from writing and life, with an AI competition that is currently running. And The allure of continually making little tweaks to my bot has me captivated. I am actually doing quite well in the competition; however, I can still see all the flaws, and if they were fixed I would be doing much, much better.

Apart from what I have just discussed, everything is going quite well. The experiments I have been pushed back on due to broken equipment is now running, and I have some more lined up. The only source of anxiety for me at the moment is the organisation of my next trial, which needs to be done next week so I can collect the samples the following week.

I have joked about this with my colleges, but I think I may have the entirety of December off. I have not had any holiday since last Christmas, and feel as if some holiday will reinvigorate me. Let’s see how November goes.

I had a meeting with a statistician this week, to discuss some problems I was having. It reminded me very much like going to see a doctor. His mannerisms were uncanny. He suggested a couple of useful things, and mostly asked me questions, as a doctor would. He reassured me in the sense that I was already doing the things that a statistician would do. But also, there was no great epiphany, so I am still in the same position as I was before the meeting. Oh well.

It has started to get cold and dark here in the UK, the clocks go back tomorrow, so it shall get darker and darker for a while. I am looking forward to open-fires, and hearing people complain about how dark it is for x time of day.

Note: I wrote this several months ago and I don’t want to give spoilers 😛